Finding Christ
Every child of God has a story and I would like to share mine, to show you what happened to me and to hopefully help others that might fall into the same path.
I was married, in my 30's, with two small children before I ever became a Christian, although I was raised in the church. When I was eleven, I felt the call to come to God, but when I did, all I could pray about was that I didn't want to go to hell, yet I know I felt the genuine call. People were praying all around me, including members of my family, and I felt too embarrassed to say that I hadn't found God. I was baptized. I was still lost.
On my own, I stopped going to church. I was mad at God. He had called me but He hadn't saved me. He let me cry and plead and didn't save me. I thought God had rejected me forever. I became a drinker and sometimes a recreational drug user. But to my family I still presented a Christian face.
I was in relationship after relationship, and saw nothing wrong with seeking satisfaction outside the relationship if I wasn't finding it within. I was engaged several times. When I did get married, it was because I had ended a five year relationship with a man I thought I loved, but he did nothing but criticize and try to change me. The man I married adored me far more than I cared for him and I thought it was about time someone else did all the heavy lifting. I got pregnant on the honeymoon, but I lost that baby.
In fact, it wasn't until my second child was born and about nine months old that I found myself praying one evening for the first time in over a decade. I prayed, "Lord, why did you turn me away? A sense of presence I had never felt before came over me and I was with the living God. I understood He was inviting me to him, as He didn't the first time. Maybe I was too young to understand. I still don't know. This time however, I saw His outstretched hand and took it.
Then the real trials began.
I was married, in my 30's, with two small children before I ever became a Christian, although I was raised in the church. When I was eleven, I felt the call to come to God, but when I did, all I could pray about was that I didn't want to go to hell, yet I know I felt the genuine call. People were praying all around me, including members of my family, and I felt too embarrassed to say that I hadn't found God. I was baptized. I was still lost.
On my own, I stopped going to church. I was mad at God. He had called me but He hadn't saved me. He let me cry and plead and didn't save me. I thought God had rejected me forever. I became a drinker and sometimes a recreational drug user. But to my family I still presented a Christian face.
I was in relationship after relationship, and saw nothing wrong with seeking satisfaction outside the relationship if I wasn't finding it within. I was engaged several times. When I did get married, it was because I had ended a five year relationship with a man I thought I loved, but he did nothing but criticize and try to change me. The man I married adored me far more than I cared for him and I thought it was about time someone else did all the heavy lifting. I got pregnant on the honeymoon, but I lost that baby.
In fact, it wasn't until my second child was born and about nine months old that I found myself praying one evening for the first time in over a decade. I prayed, "Lord, why did you turn me away? A sense of presence I had never felt before came over me and I was with the living God. I understood He was inviting me to him, as He didn't the first time. Maybe I was too young to understand. I still don't know. This time however, I saw His outstretched hand and took it.
Then the real trials began.
No comments:
Post a Comment