By Grace

Ask Him The Right Way

2011-04-23T07:50:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about how if the Israelites would have humbly thanked God for the manna they received, and then asked politely if they could have some meat too, God would have given it to them. Instead, they grumbled and complained. Realized I treat God the same sometimes, grumbling about my lot in life, instead of thanking Him for the many blessings I have. Why would He want to give things to someone who is so whiny and ungrateful? He does, every day, bless us with the thing we need. I think He would gladly give us many of the things we want, if we would only ask the right way.

Sorry Doesn't Cut It

2011-03-21T09:18:00.000-07:00

I find myself apologizing to God a lot. I'll also apologize to my students other people, etc. I've got no problem saying I'm sorry. But after that, what then? "Sorry" is only enough when there isn't anything I can do. "Sorry" is never enough to say to God. It shouldn't be enough to say to others.

What Next

2011-02-12T08:20:00.000-08:00

2/12/11 God was telling me a lot at 6:30 this morning-I hope I remember it all, because it was important. When I pray about a certain sin of mine and ask God to take away all desire to commit this sin, I did it because I knew I couldn’t do it without God’s help, but I was going about it wrong. Yes, I can’t do it without God’s help, but God won’t do it without my active participation. I can’t sit back and just wait for all sinful thoughts/desires to cease. I have to commit myself to not performing this sin. If I’m not tempted at all, then there is no conscious effort on my part. Without my effort, I esteem the result lightly.

I’ve already committed to a short prayer for someone when I think mean or judgmental thoughts about them. Now I have to commit myself to treating my body as the temple it is. That’s what I take in and what I use it for, including my hands, feet, mouth, and sexual organs. It isn’t Jeremy God objects to. It’s my wandering thoughts about other men.

How Can I Use This For Good?

2011-01-02T07:18:00.000-08:00

I was thinking as I woke up how I wished I didn’t ever have negative thoughts toward life in general and mean thoughts toward people, then I read in my bible study how we should try to see people’s potential instead of just the stuff that bugs us, and pray for them that way. My Mom has the tenacity and stubbornness of a mule. Applied towards something worthwhile, that is an excellent quality, because nothing important will ever remain undone. And of course, practicing this exercise is an equally excellent occupation for my eagle eyes! I must use my powers for good!

Now That I'm Empty

2010-12-30T06:59:00.000-08:00

It doesn’t matter where I am physically if I’m not in the right place mentally and spiritually. When I’m at home with my girls I miss Jeremy. When I am with Jeremy I miss my girls with a physical ache. It seems as if I’ve been missing my girls for as long as I can remember. It would be so wonderful to be happy in the here and now and not always be wishing I was somewhere else. Of course, after Jeremy and I get married and we live all together (sometime in the summer) I will have everyone I love in the same house, except for Cara, until she finishes school at Hope. And I HOPE they can teach her not to abuse herself and others, or I’ll have to find somewhere for her to live then too, and haven’t we all been separated enough?

Did an inventory last night and realized in my life I have accomplished just about nothing. The things I have done are not things to be proud of. Some of the things in my life I am most ashamed of, I did after I was a Christian, out of my anger and hurt about my daughters both being disabled. Maybe if I hadn’t been such a new Christian it would have been different, but as it was, I just went off the rails. If God were going to allow such agony in my life, then I would do the exact opposite of what I knew He wanted. In the process I hurt myself and others.

It has been very slow, but God has changed me. I at least realize on my own I can only do more harm than good, despite how much I want to help others, and not hurt. I am a completely closed off individual. I have no friends because I can’t be a friend. I can’t hang around and do stuff; I’m completely caught up in my daughters’ lives, but even before then I wasn’t much of a friend. Too messy, too inconvenient. Too everything.

All I have is God. Despite it all, I have a small spark of hope that I can refrain from making any given situation worse if I will only have faith in God and be obedient to his clear will.

My Anger Burns Me

2010-12-29T08:24:00.000-08:00

I’ve been so mad at mom for the past few days because of the way she treats my girls and dad and me and everyone but her siblings and Laura I guess, so there’s probably some jealousy issues there. Anyhow I really let her have it as I was leaving to go to Jeremy’s (b/c of the toilet situation, Katie and her underwear I totally bailed) for moving stuff of mine, and then not only forgetting she’d moved it, forgetting said item had even existed) of course I have to keep relearning the same wonderful lesson that I can’t change or make a difference with mom by getting mad. Scorn hurts no matter who it comes from, and then I learned that again at the bookstore when I just wanted to help someone and they took it as an insult and I was mortified; complete humiliation, and didn’t even apologize, just slunk away. My anger turns me in to what I don’t want to be and I spend so much time focusing on all of that. Why can’t I just grasp that God can only use me as an agent of change to change me. If anything I say or do helps someone else (or makes an impression or anything) I probably won’t ever know it, nor should I. and all this stupid DWELLING I do makes it impossible for God to get anywhere with me. He’s incredibly patient. I want to be like God not like Mom. It’s not that I want to hurt her, I just want to make her SEE how she affects everyone so negatively, but then when I am like that, I’m just the same, DUH!!!!! Mom doesn’t set out to hurt people’s feelings or whatever; she really thinks she is right and helping. And I think the same and we all think the same, so our motives are good but our execution is just that, and execution to all our good intentions. I can’t talk about everyone, but I personally do not think before I speak and I say mom never apologizes, but I sure am not much better in that respect. Like to that girl at the bookstore, or to mom or dad or whatever. Yeah, mom’s nicer to certain people than others. So am I. I def. favor my girls and we both think we are helping them in our own fashion. If I forget about mom’s shortcomings, (and even don’t dwell so much on my own) but keep praying for God to have his way with me, then I won’t have to keep covering this same ground.

Directions or Signs?

2010-08-21T08:20:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who, when she is grappling with a problem, tells God things like, "If such and such happens, then I'll know I'm supposed to do solution A. If not, then it's solution B. It sounds to me like tempting God, but she is happy with this method. If it is a question of right or wrong, it kind of seems to me the answer should be obvious, but I sure could be wrong. What do you all think?

Do It With Joy

2010-08-10T08:46:00.000-07:00

I come from a family that considers work and responsibility to be the only mindsets worth cultivating. Since I have a goofy sense of humor and am frequently observed to laugh out loud, I am the black sheep of the family. However, God wants us to be happy. He doesn't think we should shirk our duties, but He sees nothing wrong in our being happy while doing so. In fact, Christians are to BE happy; that is part of our being a "peculiar people".

Pray Without Ceasing

2010-08-06T06:41:00.000-07:00

In Revelations chapter 3 it mentions that we should pray without ceasing. One thing I do have trouble with is getting mad at people for certain actions or behaviors that I myself do. I once told someone that the things that drive us craziest in other people are the things we need to see in ourselves.
Anyhow, we don't have to be on our knees to pray, and when someone makes me mad and I want to say something sarcastic, etc, I've decided to quickly pray for that person and my relationship with them (not to mention my proclivities in the same area)
Pray without Ceasing!!! Let God catch you before you fall.

Wholesome Thoughts

2010-07-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

Last chapter of 1st Peter, he talks about how we should think wholesome thoughts. I have a problem with my brain; it wants to go off on tangents when I'm trying to pray. Also, when left to it's own devices, my brain tends to drift off to past and anticipated offenses. My Mom and I don't agree on what constitutes appropriate discipline for my disabled daughters. I don't think whipping a child, especially one that is self-abusive, is in any way useful. My Mom thinks that is the ONLY way.

My poetry on Triond

2010-07-25T11:18:00.001-07:00

Dear God

2010-07-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

Father
Consecrate me to thy will
Bind me with thy word
The only possible freedom
Is slavery to thine holy way
Do not let the hands of the past
Defile the moments of the present
But grant me to forgive as Jesus forgave
Willingly, without restraint
Remembering no more.
Only then can we live in Your
Righteous Love as You have commanded us.
For Your Name's sake,
Amen and Amen.

Add to Faith

2010-07-24T10:36:00.000-07:00

2cd Peter, ch 1, he talks about adding to our faith. We are to add goodness, wisdom, self-control, godliness, brotherly kindness and love. I've been thinking about where I am and where I need to be. Too bad every area of our lives aren't even-it would be easy to measure progress then! Maybe the only way I can think of to decide if I am growing in the Lord is that I no longer accept sin as inevitable.

Ever Have Trouble Listening?

2010-07-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

I do. Realized it today while trying to listen instead of deluging God with stuff about my kids and all my usual other stuff. My mind started to wander. I started thinking about my fall class and how I needed to get a closed class card from my instructor.
When I'm praying about my girls or my anger, grief or whatever, I'm completely focused, but when I'm waiting my attention is shot.

My Sister Hates Me

2010-07-21T10:12:00.000-07:00

She became unhappy with me in high school and whispered about me on the bus w/ my once best friend who told me she couldn't hang out with me anymore because I told stupid jokes and laughed too much. I shrugged and thought, "Whatever." When I was running for a club presidency, she told everyone my opponent would make a much better president. I laughed and said everyone was entitled to their own opinion. When she came home from school one day when I was in jr. college, she said everyone on the bus took a vote and decided she was MUCH prettier than I was. I said, "I think you're prettier too." It was some years later she told me that she had really hated in high school how much the teachers had said how great I was, and hoped that she was as smart, funny, etc. I said, "Sorry?" Wondering if she would've been happier had they disliked me, and expected to dislike her by extension.

Understand that I am a fairly oblivious person. It took me until quite late in adulthood to understand that my sister had actively been trying to hurt my feelings, to hurt me. It must have been fairly maddening that I stubbornly refused to be hurt.

I could tell about how I avoid my sister now because she is so negative and spends her time with me correcting my behavior and telling me how I should act. But just pray for me please because I don't want to hate my sister. I don't want to have bad feelings every time I think about her. Please pray for her because she is so unhappy, I think. Please pray for us because we don't have a relationship and I don't know how to make one. I don't know her now, and I accept I never did.

All God's Children

2010-07-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

I didn't take both of my children being disabled very well. I cried a lot, spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. One day I was praying and doing my usual sniveling about how hard it was to have disabled children. To which God replied, "But Mary, ALL of my children are disabled."

Total shock. Never thought of it that way before. But God made me realize it was true; we are all disabled by sin, and it hurts him so much to have to watch us struggle instead of coming to him. I dried my tears and decided from that moment to start letting God's grace carry me.

Redefine Cursing

2010-07-17T05:54:00.000-07:00

Blessings and Cursings should not come out of the same mouth. I submit to you that cursing includes unkind, sarcastic, and harsh words. I submit to you that how a person talks to children and people they
consider negligible, reveals that individual's true nature.

Charity begins at home. Treating your family harshly and strangers kindly is not what God meant when He said we should be Good Samaritans. It is easy to be kind to strangers; we will never see them again. More difficult is treating those you live with and say you love with dignity and respect.

Only Today

2010-07-16T16:41:00.000-07:00

God is not a spiritual pantry. We don't look in our hearts once or twice a month and say, "hmmm, looks like I need some more patience, and I'm running pretty low on obedience. Better run over to God today and get some."

There is only what's needed for today, like the manna in the wilderness. We must pray to God daily in order to fulfill our spiritual needs.

Where is the Glory?

2010-03-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

When I pray to the Father, I always begin with words of thanks and praise. Rushing words of thanks and praise, so I can get to the important business of my next request. Or my whining about something insignificant. I'm not saying I don't have genuine things I need to talk to God about. I'm just saying my gratitude is seriously lacking.

Praising God should not only come first, it should last the longest. Whole prayer and meditation sessions should be devoted to praise alone. Our Father gives and gives and receives scant praise for it, much like it is with our own children. Children when they grow will learn to appreciate and thank their parents. Shouldn't we already be there?

Why Paul?

2010-03-27T06:50:00.000-07:00

I have heard people wonder why God chose to use Paul, when he had persecuted so many Christians. Paul was so zealous when he only thought he was serving God. Look at how zealous he was when he KNEW he was serving God.

No Forgive Without Forget

2010-03-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

I realized something today. God forgives us unconditionally and He expects us to do the same to others. I thought I was doing pretty good with that, but God also forgets the sin. I never forget. If I keep that in my heart, I'm not really forgiving. I can still feel the hurt as if for the first time and that can cause anger all over again. God doesn't want us to carry around that kind of burden. Everyone of us deserves the full measure of judgment for our sins, but God forgives us. If we want to continue to grow in the Holy Spirit and become more like Christ, we must do likewise.

Looking For God

2009-09-28T11:05:00.000-07:00

Finding Christ

Every child of God has a story and I would like to share mine, to show you what happened to me and to hopefully help others that might fall into the same path.
I was married, in my 30's, with two small children before I ever became a Christian, although I was raised in the church. When I was eleven, I felt the call to come to God, but when I did, all I could pray about was that I didn't want to go to hell, yet I know I felt the genuine call. People were praying all around me, including members of my family, and I felt too embarrassed to say that I hadn't found God. I was baptized. I was still lost.
On my own, I stopped going to church. I was mad at God. He had called me but He hadn't saved me. He let me cry and plead and didn't save me. I thought God had rejected me forever. I became a drinker and sometimes a recreational drug user. But to my family I still presented a Christian face.
I was in relationship after relationship, and saw nothing wrong with seeking satisfaction outside the relationship if I wasn't finding it within. I was engaged several times. When I did get married, it was because I had ended a five year relationship with a man I thought I loved, but he did nothing but criticize and try to change me. The man I married adored me far more than I cared for him and I thought it was about time someone else did all the heavy lifting. I got pregnant on the honeymoon, but I lost that baby.
In fact, it wasn't until my second child was born and about nine months old that I found myself praying one evening for the first time in over a decade. I prayed, "Lord, why did you turn me away? A sense of presence I had never felt before came over me and I was with the living God. I understood He was inviting me to him, as He didn't the first time. Maybe I was too young to understand. I still don't know. This time however, I saw His outstretched hand and took it.
Then the real trials began.

I'm Getting Married

2009-09-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

My fiancee and I plan to get married on a cruise and I plan to document every second of it!!

Quick Rant on Announcers in General

2009-09-18T07:28:00.000-07:00

Last time I posted I kind of ranted on announcers, but this time I'm going to do it more. A football fan does not want to hear your personal stories and anecdotes. Okay, that's rude, but it's true. What I wouldn't give to hear an announcer simply ANNOUNCE THE GAME!!!!
C'mon guys, get freaky and give us stats, and compare with other games and other seasons. Call the play by plays with detail. Pretend we can't see the field and be our eyes.
Even if your last story/joke brought tears of laughter to the people around you, may I humbly suggest they were (probably) more inebriated than your average Sunday afternoon pigskin fan?

IEP's For Dummies Pt 1

2009-09-18T07:22:00.000-07:00

As a parent of two disabled girls and a special education teacher of students K-21, I would like to offer some of my knowledge of how the system works in order to help other parents.

IEP means Individual Education Plan. Any student that teachers or parents think needs extra help to understand what is being taught in the classroom will have an IEP.

A team of people including a standard classroom teacher, a special education teacher, a school administrator and the student's parents will meet and discuss what kind of problems the student is having, and how best to help the student perform at the same level as his or her classmates. There may be other people at the meeting, such as a speech and language specialist, or a school counselor.

A student may have be having problems for any number of reasons. The student may have trouble reading. 90% of all referrals to special education are due to reading difficulties. This could be because of a vision problem, dyslexia, hearing problems that made learning to read difficult or many other reasons. Of the other 10%, there are difficulties with math and also ADHD, Autism, Developmental Delay, and emotional reasons such as Depression or perhaps stress related issues involving a family divorce, death or illness of a loved one or even happy reasons such as a wedding or birth of a sibling.

There are about as many possible plans of attack as there are reasons for needing help. Sometimes having the student go to the special education room for one subject will be all that's needed. A student could also have a tutor or perhaps an in-class monitor or personal aide. There is also the possibility that a student may need to start attending special education classes full time. The list of available services is varied and includes special hearing or vision apparatus, speech and language classes, and counseling services. Also, special education needs may not be permanent. Often the student will be able to resume regular classroom attendance.

Each student has his or her own strengths and weaknesses, motivations and individual quirks. That is why the plan MUST be INDIVIDUAL. Asking for an IEP meeting is not a punishment. It is a recognition of the student as an individual, and the realization that this student needs goals and methods made especially for him or her.

Having been on both sides of the table, I can definitely state that the sincere desire of both school administration and parents is to help the student involved to achieve the most that is possible. There may be a lot of different opinions on the causes of the difficulties and how best to address them, but the goal is the same; the academic, social and personal well-being of this one individual child.

In my next post I will go into a few things the parents ought to do before a meeting, as well as a parent's right to due process.

Here's a Dream Question:

2009-09-17T11:02:00.001-07:00

Do you ever dream that your teeth are falling out of your gums?

Get Rid of Gnats & Fruitflies

2009-09-17T11:00:00.000-07:00

A small dish with about 1 quarter or one half cup of vinegar, either red or white, will get rid of these little pests for you!

When a Woman Is Pregnant

2009-09-17T10:56:00.000-07:00

She may worry a little bit about something being wrong with the baby, but not too much. I mean, how often does something go wrong? Not very often, when you think about it. How many people do you know that have perfectly healthy kids? Pretty much all of them, right? And then what if you're fine during your pregnancy and you have an amnio and everything comes back fine. Then you have this little, sweet angel with black hair, dark blue eyes and delicate little features and she develops normally. Just fine. Then when she is about 2 1/2 yrs old, the bottom drops out of your life. Then what?

Lub You

2009-09-16T11:36:00.000-07:00

This is what my youngest daughter says when she means "I love you"

Lub You, Sing Lub You
She says to me, when we
Get ready for bed at Night
I sing her good night song
that ends "And I love you
little Kate" She sings with me
And tucks me in tight and says
Sing I Lub You now sleep tight
Sing I Lub You Kiss my cheek
Lub you, Kate Lub you Mom
Sing Lub you, I lub you so we
can sleep.

Can We Lay Off Bret?

2009-09-16T11:23:00.000-07:00

It's fashionable to make derogatory comments now about Bret Favre, I've noticed. Even announcers calling games do it and it's v. annoying.
Yes, he retired and came back. Again. Yes, he probably should have sat down the last few games as a Jet. Yes, and yes and yes again. You are right, he was wrong.
Do I have to hear about it all the time? Can announcers just call the game? Holy crap. Let's whisper about Michael Vick and barely mention the imminent salary cap collapse so we can gang up on the current solution to the Viking's woes?
Announcers: Just announce and leave your little snide comments about any player off the record.
Sports Pundits: Let's spread a little derision around, okay? Plus, admit you were relieved he was back.
Let's just let the game be played. Ultimately, that will tell us how we should judge Bret.